Levity.

In a follow up to my last post about funny lines, here are some more funny lines.

Some of these are borrowed from comedians (though I don’t remember who), and quite a few are, I think, original (by me or my brother). If you want to double check, feel free to do so. If you don’t find them attributed to anyone else, you can link to this list. :-D

  • Despite the rising cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good!
  • I run sometimes. But only if it’s raining really hard and my car is parked way down the street.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • The way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.
  • 5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.
  • 43% of all statistics are made up on the spot, and 69% of people can use statistics to prove whatever they want.
  • A day without sunshine is like, night.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • You always find something in the last place you look. But then, who keeps looking for something once they’ve found it?
  • I’m only photogenic in person.
  • Wake me up when I’m not so tired.
  • I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I wasn’t.
  • I’m not conceited. But I should be.
  • Enough about me, what do you think of me?
  • That’s like the Rolls Royce of clichés.
  • Guns don’t kill people, bullets do.
  • The squeaky wheel makes the noise.
  • Most “common knowledge” it false. Everyone knows that.
  • Is it just me, or am I all alone here?



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